What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 04:18
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Especially a lifetime of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I Discovered I Got Cheated On. But His Story About That Night Isn’t Adding Up. - Slate Magazine
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
All the time i was locked up.
Comes on , in middle age.
Robotic table tennis system predicts ball trajectory and adapts swing in real time - Tech Xplore
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Aldi accused by Oreo maker Mondelez of copying its packaging - CBS News
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would this be the day?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Neuroimaging study suggests mindfulness meditation lowers sensory gating - PsyPost
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Science-Backed Tips for Increasing Your Stamina at Any Age - Prevention
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im still living with it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
CVS is shutting down 271 stores in 18 states. Is your pharmacy affected? - NJ.com
But, we were locked up after school.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Japanese queue for hours as rice shortage deepens - Financial Times
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When she asked me how she looked .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What To Expect in the Markets This Week - Investopedia
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i lived it daily.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
'King of the Hill' Reboot First Details: Hank, Peggy, Bobby, Dale - Variety
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Put me off passion for life!!
My life is so biszare .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ive learnt so much.
I was seconnd youngest,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So, i spoilt her more .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Who then, do I blame.?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I said to her
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We all went to grammer schools
He knew the spot.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So whats the point in blame.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What did i know ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I don,t even have a pension.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She loved him until the end.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were not on the streets..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was in good health!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I think the readers, may guess!
I write beautiful poetry .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is soul school!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She found it foreign!.
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot live in the past .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it wasn’t much.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I have no regrets .
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My family never makes their pension either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I waited trembling.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was very sick at this time too.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was scared of men, in general
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She married twice! .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!